Bieber Wars: Episode V
A long time ago (five weeks ago) in a galaxy far, far away (Seattle), a battle was waging between two Imperial plebs. They'd fought long and hard, but everyone could see the battle was coming to an end. What they didn't know was who would come out victorious. This is the final chapter of the the Bieber Wars (or is it?).
Day 21:
I return the day after Cinco de Mayo (Seis de Mayo?) to find no retaliation from Wishbone, which is entirely understandable, because I, myself, could only think up this sad little gem. It was sort of a self-portrait, except I stopped at two. I think. It's a bit blurry, really.
***
Day 22:
I yet again find no retaliation and am yet again completely uninspired, so I turn to Glee. Again. It's hilarious if you watch.
***
Day 23:
And again, there is no retaliation. I go in for the kill with (really bad) Gaga Bieber. WISHBONE DIDN'T GET IT. I'm horrified. It's OK, though, I have a plan.
***
Day 24:
I expect no retaliation, and I find none, which is good, because I needed plenty of time to execute my final strike:
BEHOLD!
It's MAGICAL!
And TASTY (the cupcake, not Bieber).
These are NOT my stroke of genius, sadly, but I had to add them because they're just so AWESOME.
***
Day 25
Wishbone is dumbfounded by the amount of Bieber in her locker. I declare victory.
I also add some flare, seeing as she'll find this on Friday the 13th.
THE END.
Maybe.
Bieber Wars: Episode IV
A long time ago (four weeks ago) in a galaxy far, far away (Seattle), the presence of a rising Dark Lord's (Justin Bieber's) likeness continues to create turmoil within the Empire (a certain unnamed pharmacy company). All of the Imperial plebs have begun to wonder if the battle between Beeb and Wishbone will ever end as the plots get more elaborate with each passing day (well, OK, mostly). This is the continuing story of that battle.
Day 16:
I return on Friday to find...I don't even know, guys. He smelled like fried potato all day, which, I have to say, was something of an improvement. Wishbone said "OM NOM NOM" when I pointed this out. I mocked her appropriately.
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With all of the Royal wedding talk Wishbone was throwing around, I decided the only logical response was Princess Bieber. Of course, my brain sort of wandered in the plotting process, and so we ended up with Princess Peach Bieber.
***
Day 17:
It would seem Wishbone found the other castle, and Bowser Bieber was waiting within. I'm actually quite proud of her for this. For a moment. And then I return to my plotting, for I must not lose this battle.
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Keeping with the Mario theme I seem to have started, I counter with Block Bieber. Wishbone is amused. Creepy mushroom is creepy.
***
Day 18:
Wishbone is apparently also creeped out by the mushroom, as she doesn't retaliate. Not wanting to allow her any time to plot, I strike back with Biebero.
It's a-me!
***
Day 19:
Wishbone (and most everyone else) is shocked and amused by Biebero. Of course, current events sort of blow the Mario theme out of the water, but, hey, look, Wishbone found Osama bin Bieber!
***
Day 20:
I knew Wishbone was plotting something. She counters with Smurf Bieber. OMG, THAT NOSE.
-
I set out with a plan to create a Cinco de Mayo Bieber, but, somewhere along the line, a conversation with another Imperial pleb led to what we're now calling Mexican Charlie Brown Bieber. He's even in 3D!
Stay tuned for week five.
Bieber Wars: Episode III
A long time ago (three weeks ago) in a galaxy far, far away (Seattle), the departure of a certain person from the Empire (a certain unnamed pharmacy company) is but a distant memory as the battle following the discovery of a rising Dark Lord's (Justin Bieber's) likeness rages on across the Empire. The two Imperial plebs (Beeb and Wishbone) have started to form alliances with other members of the Empire as the battle gains momentum. No one is to be trusted (it's basically a free-for-all at this point). This is the continuing story of that battle.
Day 11:
Upon return to the Imperial Soul Star Destroyer on Friday, Wishbone has many a nitpick waiting for my PURPOSELY inaccurate Edward Bieber (we all know she was just intimidated by the fabulous SPARKLES), and has countered with this Bieber from the future. It's funny because it's probably true.
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Continuing the future theme (and because it's the day after what would've been Judgement Day in the world of Terminator and I'm a nerd), I respond with the Biebinator. You puny humans are no match for his music. He'll be back!
***
Day 12:
I must take a brief respite for plotting Doctor Who my health, and so I'm not actually around on Saturday to witness the atrocity of Bunny Bieber, courtesy of Wishbone. I have to wait until Sunday to yell, "SOMEONE KILL IT. PLEASE." as I open my locker.
***
Day 13:
Of course, come Sunday, I am well-rested and prepared to return to battle. I combine my two greatest weapons in to one: Zombie Jesus Bieber (a.k.a. Blasphemy Bieber). It is, after all, Zombie Jesus Day (a.k.a. Easter Sunday). Wishbone is both shocked and terrified, as well as greatly amused. The Empire is within my grasp.
He is risen, and he's coming for your BRAINS.
***
Day 14:
Apparently in shock from Blasphemy Bieber, Wishbone does not retaliate, and I strike another blow in the form of Teapot Bieber while she's still down. This is a fine example of what one of my fellow plebes called Wikipedia thinking: we started talking about a topic and, several inexplicable jumps later, my brain arrived at this destination.
Of course, then we started applying the actual "I'm A Little Teapot" song to this and couldn't get past the whole "steamed up" part without gagging a little.
***
Day 15:
Whether out of confusion or shock, Wishbone YET AGAIN does not strike back. Victory is in sight. I use Pirate Bieber to get the point across that I take NO prisoners in this battle for the Empire.
Stay tuned for week four.
Bieber Wars: Episode II
A long time ago (two weeks ago) in a galaxy far, far away (Seattle), following the departure of a certain person from the Empire (a certain unnamed pharmacy company), the likeness of a rising Dark Lord, Justin Bieber, was discovered amongst the belongings said person left behind. A great battle was started between two of the Imperial plebs (Beeb and Wishbone) upon this discovery, and soon the battle spread across the Empire. This is the continuing story of that battle.
Day 6:
When I return on Friday, Wishbone has countered my Friday Bieber with THIS terrifying gem. Favorite scary movie? No. Scariest movie ever? YES.
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After brief contemplation, I feel this is the only appropriate response, considering I'm actually legitimately ill (and SOMEBODY kept telling me not to get them sick). I may or may not have actually been contagious, too, and gotten several people there sick. MY BAD, GUYS. I didn't really think I was contagious. >_>
***
Day 7:
I find the next day that Wishbone has not retaliated, so I take the opportunity to strike another blow by totally stealing one of Wishbone's own not-so-secret plots. Athough, I somehow don't think this is what she meant when she said she wanted to make a Trouty Mouth Bieber.
Oh, and, this is Trouty Mouth, by the by.
We're both too amused to make another move, so a temporary truce is called.
***
Day 8:
Of course, I fully expected to return the next day to some decent retaliation, but Wishbone has decided to fall-back for the day (call in sick) to regroup. Taking full advantage of this unique opportunity, I strike yet another blow. I seriously can't stop laughing. I'm told even the Emperor (our store manager) was amused by this one.
Don't tell her I called her that. >_> IT'S ONLY BECAUSE SHE'S THE BOSS, GUYS.
***
Day 9:
There is still no retaliation the following day, despite Wishbone's return. I suspect she is about to fly the white flag, but I take no prisoners, so I keep the hilarity blows coming. This one is yet another inside joke, and I yet again assure you that, thought slightly wrong, it is EXTREMELY hilarious.
I know, I know, I'm reusing a mechanism, here, but, hey, I was working on a schedule.
***
Day 10:
Wishbone FINALLY strikes back, AND HOW. Yep, THAT'S ME, and I unintentionally set the groundwork for it. I feel like this one was pretty much inevitable.
-
I retaliate with THIS. HE FUCKING SPARKLES, YO. I'm exceptionally proud of that fact. Of course, all Wishbone could do was criticize my inaccuracy, but, WHATEVER, you know it's only because she was traumatized.
Close-ups of the SPARKLE (that "sparkle" is said with jazz hands, by the way).
Stay tuned for week three.
Bieber Wars: Episode I
A long time ago (last week) in a galaxy far, far away (Seattle), a certain person parted ways with the Empire (a certain unnamed pharmacy company). In the wake of this departure, the remaining Imperial plebs began tidying up said persons work space, and found amongst the many odds and ends stashed there a likeness of a rising Dark Lord, Justin Bieber. With the discovery of this likeness, a great battle was started between two of the Imperial plebs, known (for the purposes of this blog) as Beeb (me) and Wishbone (my coworker). This is the story of that battle.
Day 1:
Wishbone takes first blood. I begin my plotting. Little does she know, this isn't my first rodeo.
-
I strike back with a Ke$ha-singing Bieber. Wishbone is annoyed upon discovery.
***
Day 2:
With Ke$ha now stuck in her head, Wishbone strikes back with this terrifying display of Bieber affection. I feel a great disturbance in the Force. It passes, and I get back to plotting.
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I counter with ghost Bieber. HE'S WATCHING YOU. This is what she gets for being a skeptic.
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Wishbone is obviously disturbed by this spectral Bieber, as she can think of no better retaliation than transferring him back to my locker. Creepy, but rather ineffective.
-
Inspired by my last victory, I continue my supernatural theme with a zombie Bieber.
I got a bit involved with this one. I wanted the zombie to jump out at her. I'm told she ended up on the ground, so, VICTORY.
***
Day 3:
I return to work to find demon Bieber waiting to take my soul. As my soul is spoken for (mostly by the BBC), and I don't listen to Bieber, I think I'm OK.
I think I set a precedent with zombie Bieber, which Wishbone completely shattered, here (with the help of half the staff).
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I can't let this stand, of course, so I counter with Freddy Bieber (with some assistance from a coworker in the plotting stage).
One, two, Bieber's coming for you. Terrifying Bieber is terrifying.
***
Day 4:
I return to work victorious, only to find Bieber Spears waiting in my locker. I am amused, and somewhat frightened.
-
I spend about five minutes plotting and the rest of the day executing my next move, ninja Bieber. He says you're a white, American devil.
He's deadly with those throwing stars, too.
When you hear the music, it's already too late.
***
Day 5:
Wishbone comes back with this gem. It's sort of an inside joke, done with permission of the manager that it's supposed to imitate, which is actually more funny than the mock-up itself.
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OH, I WENT THERE. Wishbone is dumbfounded.
Stay tuned for week two.
